I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
