I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
