So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
