so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
