dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
where does the pee come out of this thing
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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