3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
