My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
