I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
