Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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