yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
