mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
