it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
