He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
