Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
