I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
