Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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