Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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