Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
