I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You ruined the universe
Randomize