I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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