i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
