Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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