I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
