if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
