My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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