im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
