it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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