I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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