I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
