I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
