I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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