Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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