Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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