The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You have to summon your inner elephant
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
