**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It's like God shit irony all over that family
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my liver is dry heaving
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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