oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
