How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she woke up with a sticky ear
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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