Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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