its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my being single is dangerous.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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