I skipped work to stalk him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
