just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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