you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
