I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
