I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
