i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
