Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
