MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
