why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize