I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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