I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
