Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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