Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
