We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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