dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
