Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize