WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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