I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
