People in love make me want to vomit
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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