I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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