My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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