why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
