You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
