So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
