When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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