I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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