I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize