never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize