He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
