I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
