it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
