I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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