after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
