nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
