No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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